She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
