Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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