Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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