he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
