i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
