im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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