apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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