shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
