how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
