I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
