I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
