I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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