Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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