come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
