Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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