Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
