The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
