I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sober January is a disaster.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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