i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
