There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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