I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
