i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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