that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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