This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
