i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
