moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
