I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
