I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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