:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
