We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
