no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
