Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
