The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
where am i from again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
