I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
