I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
