recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
