When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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