Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
