just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
