i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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