Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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