nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
