my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love having hate sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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