We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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