Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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