I haven't been this sober since birth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
