I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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