Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
