Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
