She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
