I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
